Summary of First Postpartum

A baby. What a wonder. I was clueless, and blissfully so. I narrowly focused on the pursuit of pregnancy, and here was the one who would make it all the way into my world! The others remained imbedded in my soul. This baby was an answer to hopes and prayers. A pure and simple blessing. I would be blessed. Sweet cuddles, a bond, a relationship...I could hardly wait.

With the intent of honesty, there is no gentler way to describe the first 13.5 months after giving birth to my son in April of 2014...life was a shock in every way possible. Shocking how much I cared for this little one, shocking how much he took from me, shocking how my mind reacted to so little sleep. 

I set-up stations to meet nursing and nourishing needs. These two were posted 

to social media. A stranger (my personal Instagram was public then) commented 

that peppermint would slow my milk production and I should immediately 

cease consumption. Having enough milk was not my struggle. 

One of the soon to be many forms of unsolicited advice heading my way! 

I binge watched "Call the Midwife" series on PBS and agreed that I would

allow paper dishes and even plastic utensils to rule my kitchen.
(Hardly the behavior of a Seattle-bred recycler. Ha!)

A lot of the details of that time are blurry now. The struggle for sleep was real as my little dude kept 4 to 7 wakings at night until about 9 months old. Soon after I began to sleep more, I craved a return to work. A space where conversations, news and ideas mattered. The sheer repetition of mundane tasks within these baby stages made it hard to see how it all could be purposeful. I did know that these actions mattered to the life I was nurturing, and one life is never a life unto itself. The future could be bright. Maybe the changes to my own person were where the glory of it all would be found....